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Parents on the dark side Some suburban parents inevitably turn to the dark side. A May 4, 2005 article in the New York Times detailed a study of the new SAT writing test done by an M.I.T. director of undergraduate writing, Dr. Les Perelman. He concluded that the new essay portion of the SAT test, an assessment used by hundreds of colleges to rank students and used by tens of thousands of parents to secure bragging rights, will encourage some piss-poor writing. Actually, his words were “terrible writing habits.” What he discovered is a very high correlation between essay length and score. The longer the essay, he found, the higher the score, regardless of the accuracy of the facts or the quality of the writing. In fact, he was able to correctly guess the score of a sample essay by viewing it at a distance too far to actually read but close enough to gauge the length. Dr. Perelman noted that a test taker could simply make up facts and still score very well, as long as the essay is as long as possible. The National Council of Teachers of English agrees with Dr. Perelman, stating that the new essay portion of the SAT test disregards the fact that good writing is re-writing. The organization sees a push toward "formulaic" writing instruction. What in tarnation does this have to do with the “dark side?” The SAT test is one of many examples of a stake in the sand that parents (and sometimes schools) render momentously significant. Other stakes include standardized tests in earlier grades, the entry into a “gifted and talented” program, the number of sports played in a given year, or even the number of invitations to birthday parties of classmates. These kind of absurd benchmarks of supposed intelligence or status are becoming more common in suburban towns just like Readington. In a town like Readington, parents who are well-educated, who are competitive, and who are financially successful tend to predominate. It sounds like a recipe for successful child-rearing. After all, what could be better than asking for the very best from your children and living in a town of like-minded parents? Yet, there is a delicate balance. It is one thing to want your child to do his or her best, and it is another thing to want your child to do his or her best at the expense of other children or at the expense of genuine personal growth. Some parents turn to the dark side when they begin to associate the triumph of their children with their own success. It isn’t enough that their child is learning or socializing to his or her own capacity or desire. Now it is important that that their child is smarter, or more popular, or a superior athlete than her classmates. Such a dark culture is corrosive to authentic learning and healthy development. Parents who have turned to the dark side have an ever-increasing appetite for confirmation of the strengths of their child. This poses a problem because children do not actually develop according to a uniform schedule of achievement. Instead, there are growth-spurts, setbacks and achievements that are invisible to all but the child herself. For the parent who has turned to the dark side there must be regular and obvious signs of progress that can be shown to other parents and to family and friends. There must be something to hold up and wave in the face of others to prove that their child is extra-special, that their child is superior to others, and that they are a better class of parent or people by association. And, that brings us full circle. Since children cannot possibly live up to such expectations, parents on the dark side seek an artificial means to fulfill their bragging rights. Conveniently, things like standardized test scores, hyper-competitive sports programs, and exclusive “enrichment” curriculum provide the means to fulfill their desire. These things become stakes in the sand, heavy with false meaning and such exaggerated symbols of status and rank that their original purpose is lost. It does not matter to parents on the dark side that the new SAT essay questions promote poor writing habits or that their child cannot actually put together a paragraph that makes sense. What matters is that their child scored a “four” and not a “one.” Just as it is more difficult by an order of magnitude for a teacher to promote authentic learning over scripted learning in his classroom, it is a demanding task of parents to avoid the lure of the dark side. It is probably safe to say that if parenting is not the most difficult job you have ever done, you are not doing it right. Coming to the understanding that the development of your child must happen on her schedule according to her own sense of progress is the key to learning to parent on an intuitive level. There is nothing inherently wrong with bragging about your child. You cross over to the dark side when your boasting becomes more important for you than for your child. |
